Today, I continue my summer series on relationships. Today’s article, is a reprint from our (Reggie and my) A Stitch in Time newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading today’s article whether reading for the first time or second!
“May my next boyfriend love me to distraction.” That was a prayer of mine many, many years ago. I prayed that because the guy I was dating (Greg) was routinely late and would stand me up repeatedly.
I didn’t take it personally because it wasn’t just me. Greg did the same thing with everyone, even his family. I secretly nicknamed Greg the “squeaky wheel guy” because whatever wheel squeaked in Greg’s life got his attention. If Greg was on his way to meet me and a wheel squeaked, Greg would be late—if Greg arrived at all.
That did not work well with me, so I cut Greg loose. And like any woman, I wanted the next guy to be different. Too many things distracted Greg when I wanted him to be distracted only by me. That is why I prayed that prayer—to get a man’s attention.Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Click To Tweet
The next man I dated after Greg did in fact love me to distraction. So much so that he smothered me. He always wanted to be with me and rarely gave me space. I went from one extreme to the other—all in the name of getting some attention. Talk about a case of “don’t ask for what you wish for because you just might get it.”
I thought I knew what I wanted. It may have been what I wanted, but it surely was not what I needed. After that fiasco, I began praying for God to show me what to look for in a man. I obviously didn’t know what was best for me.
And God changed my perspective. Instead of looking for a man who would give me his attention, I waited for a man worthy of my attention. I began looking at a man’s character. Instead of looking for someone to meet my need for attention, I began waiting for someone who was dependable, available and had a servant’s spirit. Those are characteristics worthy of my attention.
Instead of looking for a man who would give me his attention, I waited for a man worthy of my attention.
By waiting for a man worthy of my attention, I was rewarded with the right balance of attention and space for me. Reggie gives me all the attention I want—and need. Reggie gives me space, too, to do what I love to do—like write newsletters and mentor young women.
It wouldn’t have happened without a change in perspective. I changed from looking for what I wanted to what God wanted for me. And it made all the difference. Now, I no longer fight change when God is doing it. In fact, I embrace it because when I do, God gives me what I need and what I really want.
If you enjoyed this post, check out the rest of my summer series on relationships.
Summer Series on Relationships:
- Part One – Preparing for a relationship by spending time alone with God.
- Part Two – Some tips from my late husband Reginald Sanders on how to spend time alone with God.
- Part Three – Who should take initiative in a relationship and when.
- Part Four – Protecting your significant other’s tender spots and vulnerabilities.
- Part Five – Getting your priorities in order.
- Part Six – Healing past pain.
- Part Seven – Overcoming trust issues.
- Part Eight – Overcoming fear.
- Part Nine – Valuing women.
- Part Ten – Honesty in a relationship.
- Part Eleven – The cause of your discomfort.
- Part Twelve – Your beliefs.
- Part Thirteen – Believe quickly.
- Part Fourteen – At the heart of good relationships is friendship.
- Part Fifteen – Real, genuine brothers and sisters-in-Christ.
- What are your prayers in regards to a relationship?
- Do you pray out of your felt needs?
- If so, what needs are you praying to have met?
- Try praying for God to show you how you should pray in regards to your significant other.
- When He does, pray how God is leading you.