Here is week five of my summer series on relationships. Today’s post is based on a conversation I had with my dear friend Dianne where she challenged me as to what was more important to me—being right or being in a relationship. Her wisdom helped me get my priorities straight. I hope her wisdom can do the same for you. Once again, I am sharing a reprint from our A Stitch in Time newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading today’s article whether reading for the first time or second!
A Matter of Priorities
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?” When my girlfriend Dianne posed this question to me, I did not understand why I couldn’t be both right and in a relationship. I totally missed her point. (Please note that I was not married when she said this, but I was in a relationship.)
Do you want to be right or do you want to in a relationship? #CreatingALifeILove Share on XMy boyfriend at the time and I had argued. Unfortunately, the argument ended without a satisfactory resolution. Frustrated, I turned to Dianne, a good friend in a successful marriage, in hopes of getting some godly advice on how to resolve this conflict with my boyfriend.
During my conversation with Dianne, I explained the situation and why my position on the matter was the right one. Basically, I told Dianne that I was right and that my boyfriend was wrong. That was when Dianne shared about being right versus being married.
It took a minute, actually months, for Dianne to get through to me, but eventually she did. Dianne’s question was not a choice between being right and being married. Dianne’s question was a matter of priorities. Dianne wanted to know: What was more important to me—being right or being in a relationship?
If my relationship was more important, then I would sacrifice being right sometimes for the sake of the relationship. However, if being right was more important, then I would sacrifice the relationship for the sake of being right.
If my relationship was more important, then I would sacrifice being right sometimes for the sake of the relationship.
Coming to that realization changed my approach to conflict, and ultimately, the outcome of my relationships. Though my realization happened too late to impact my relationship with that boyfriend, it greatly impacted my relationship with Reggie.
With Reggie, I reached more satisfactory resolutions because our relationship was always paramount. Satisfaction was now a healthy relationship rather than proving I was right.
Allowing Reggie to be “right” sometimes taught me that there is more than one “right” way to do things. Reggie wasn’t wrong. His way was just different than mine. The biggest blessing was that since I wasn’t fighting Reggie on his way, he was more open to trying my way sometimes. Now, that is what I call a win-win situation.
So, as Dianne asked me, I now ask you, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?” What are your priorities? The answer to these questions and the wisdom Dianne shared changed my relationships, especially my marriage. My hope is that it changes your relationships as well.
If you enjoyed this post, check out the rest of my summer series on relationships.
Summer Series on Relationships:
- Part One – Preparing for a relationship by spending time alone with God.
- Part Two – Some tips from my late husband Reginald Sanders on how to spend time alone with God.
- Part Three – Who should take initiative in a relationship and when.
- Part Four – Protecting your significant other’s tender spots and vulnerabilities.
- Part Five – Getting your priorities in order.
- Part Six – Healing past pain.
- Part Seven – Overcoming trust issues.
- Part Eight – Overcoming fear.
- Part Nine – Valuing women.
- Part Ten – Honesty in a relationship.
- Part Eleven – The cause of your discomfort.
- Part Twelve – Your beliefs.
- Part Thirteen – Believe quickly.
- Part Fourteen – At the heart of good relationships is friendship.
- Part Fifteen – Real, genuine brothers and sisters-in-Christ.
Questions:
- What is more important to you—being right or in a relationship?
- What would putting your relationship first look like?
- What would it feel like?
- How would it improve your relationship?
