This is the ninth blog post in my summer series on relationships. This article, Reggie’s first, is a reprint from our (Reggie and my) A Stitch in Time newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading today’s article whether reading for the first time or second!
Greetings. The last few months, you have been reading material from a wonderful gift, my wife. And that’s what this edition will address—women as gifts. Now, I would love for you to think I’ve always viewed women as gifts—that they are to be treasured, honored and valued, but that would be deceiving.
Before I met Dawn, I viewed women as a way to make me feel better about myself. My aim, and goal, was to feel good about myself, and I thought being in a relationship gave me value and worth. One could have accused me of looking at women as my GOD, and that was correct.
Unfortunately, by looking to women to give me self-worth, build up my self-esteem or give me my identity, I was misusing a valuable and precious commodity. Women were never, ever designed to be viewed this way.
I realized that I was acting no differently than that infamous phrase women use to describe us, “All men are dogs.” But I did not want to be this way. I wanted to be different. I wanted my relationships to be different. For that to happen, I had to change how I saw women and how I interacted with them.
So, after my last relationship ended before Dawn, I concluded there must be a better way. I said to myself, “I don’t know all the right things to do. But, should GOD allow me to get into another relationship, what I won’t do is what I’ve been doing.” How long was I going to try to prove I knew what I was doing, or I don’t need to listen to anybody? How long was I going to make women suffer and be in pain with a man who was a pain? Enough already!!!
I don’t know all the right things to do. But, should GOD allow me to get into another relationship, what I won’t do is what I’ve been doing.Reggie Sanders
For me, this meant going in a totally opposite direction. I had to do that thing that women love to do. Yes, I had to talk. LORD, HAVE MERCY!!! In order for the relationship to be equal and balanced, I had to open—up and share. Then, I could avoid my previous pattern of painful, one-sided relationships.
In order for the relationship to be equal and balanced, I had to open up and share. Then, I could avoid my previous pattern of painful, one-sided relationships.Reggie Sanders
Now you may ask, “What does all this have to do with viewing Dawn as a gift?” Well, it was talking and getting to know her that showed me what a gift Dawn really is. Also, viewing Dawn as a gift meant I had to give up my “selfish desires.” That is if I wanted this gift.
When I was growing up, my parents gave me gifts. However, to receive particular gifts, I had to do what was required. Now yes, I was unhappy to have to follow what someone else said. And yes, I didn’t like what was asked of me. However, if I REALLY WANTED that gift, I put what I thought and felt aside, and did what my parents asked. The same is true with GOD. For GOD to give me Dawn, I had to put what I thought and felt aside. I had to do what was required because I wanted this gift.
For GOD to give me Dawn, I had to put what I thought and felt aside. I had to do what was required because I wanted this gift.Reggie Sanders
And let me tell you, it was worth the effort. The work to get a gift from GOD does not compare to what you get in return from the gift!!! I believe GOD has a gift out there for some of you. It may just take a change in perspective for you to get it. In closing, I agree with the words of Apostle Paul, when he wrote “THANKS BE TO GOD FOR HIS INDESCRIBABLE GIFT.” For me, that gift is called Dawn Nicole Sanders!!!
Until next time,
If you enjoyed this post, check out the rest of my summer series on relationships.
Summer Series on Relationships:
- Part One – Preparing for a relationship by spending time alone with God.
- Part Two – Some tips from my late husband Reginald Sanders on how to spend time alone with God.
- Part Three – Who should take initiative in a relationship and when.
- Part Four – Protecting your significant other’s tender spots and vulnerabilities.
- Part Five – Getting your priorities in order.
- Part Six – Healing past pain.
- Part Seven – Overcoming trust issues.
- Part Eight – Overcoming fear.
- Part Nine – Valuing women.
- Part Ten – Honesty in a relationship.
- Part Eleven – The cause of your discomfort.
- Part Twelve – Your beliefs.
- Part Thirteen – Believe quickly.
- Part Fourteen – At the heart of good relationships is friendship.
- Part Fifteen – Real, genuine brothers and sisters-in-Christ.
- Have you found your self-worth in people?
- Do you look to people to make you feel better about yourself?
- How is that working for you?
- How could looking to God raise your self-esteem?