In May 2016, I began a summer series on relationships. That summer, I published seven of our (Reggie and my) newsletters. This month, I am continuing that series and will complete it later this summer. This article, like the previous posts in this series, is a reprint from our A Stitch in Time newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading today’s article whether reading for the first time or second!
“He sees you,” my friend Jen whispered to me after meeting Reggie for the first time. Though she never mentioned it prior to their meeting, Jen later told me she had prayed that God would send me someone who “saw me,” someone who looked beyond my externals to see who I am inside.
Jen witnessed my pain during a previous relationship when the man had not seen me. He saw a project that he decided needed improvement. Unfortunately, his chosen method of improvement was criticism. Regularly, he would tell me what he thought was wrong with me followed by what I needed to do to fix these flaws.
Of course, it did not begin that way. In the beginning, I was wonderful and he was wonderful to me. Or so I thought. He came with all the right packaging. Yes, he was attractive, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the spiritual packaging. He was saved (had a personal relationship with Jesus), loved to study the Bible, and was active in ministry—three very important things.
Spiritual packaging (being saved (had a personal relationship with Jesus), loved to study the Bible, and was active in ministry) are important, even essential, things, but they are not everything.
Though these are essential things, they are not everything. After my previous relationship, I learned that spiritual things are the starting point, the pre-screening. Making sure the object of my affection sees me is part of the interview, a very significant next step. How a man sees me is another vital qualification to filling the job.
When Reggie approached me about courtship, I knew that he was saved (He had told me his salvation story), loved to study the Bible, and was active in ministry. But would he really see me? During our courtship, he demonstrated that he did.
Though I am by no means perfect and Reggie knows that better than most, Reggie saw me as a gift, not a project. That is how he introduced me to people before we were engaged. He told them that I was “the gift that God had brought into [his] life.” Last month, Reggie wrote about how he came to see women as gifts and me as his gift. Since I am his gift from God, Reggie understands that my Creator will do any fixing that needs to be done.
Reggie understood that my Creator will do any fixing that needs to be done.
In the meantime, Reggie accepts me as I am. As Jen would say, he sees me. Reggie saw me because he was, and is, comfortable and confident in himself. As a result, I was able to see Reggie too. Truly seeing the other person is part of a successful relationship. So, whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, we pray that you see and appreciate the people in your life, and that they do the same for you.
Truly seeing the other person is part of a successful relationship. Share on XIf you enjoyed this post, check out the rest of my summer series on relationships.
Summer Series on Relationships:
- Part One – Preparing for a relationship by spending time alone with God.
- Part Two – Some tips from my late husband Reginald Sanders on how to spend time alone with God.
- Part Three – Who should take initiative in a relationship and when.
- Part Four – Protecting your significant other’s tender spots and vulnerabilities.
- Part Five – Getting your priorities in order.
- Part Six – Healing past pain.
- Part Seven – Overcoming trust issues.
- Part Eight – Overcoming fear.
- Part Nine – Valuing women.
- Part Ten – Honesty in a relationship.
- Part Eleven – The cause of your discomfort.
- Part Twelve – Your beliefs.
- Part Thirteen – Believe quickly.
- Part Fourteen – At the heart of good relationships is friendship.
- Part Fifteen – Real, genuine brothers and sisters-in-Christ.
Questions:
- Does your significant other see you?
- Do you feel more like a project than a person with them? If so, why?
- Is being seen part of your “interview” process? If so, why? If not, why not?
- How would it feel if the people in your life saw you?
- Acknowledge both positive and negative emotions and why you feel them.
