Since it’s not good for people to be alone, creating a life He loves and you enjoy often includes healthy relationships. Today’s article, the eleventh blog post in my summer series on relationships, is about sharing. It’s also a reprint from our (Reggie and my) A Stitch in Time newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading today’s article whether reading for the first time or second!
“Share to your level of comfort.” This is what I want to say to those of you who may have read my last article on honesty, but are uncomfortable sharing some things with the person in your life. I also want to say, “That’s okay.” I am not suggesting anyone say anything they are not comfortable saying. However, I would challenge you to find out why you are uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable about sharing some things with the person in your life? That’s okay. Share to your level of comfort.
Before Reggie, I was engaged to another man. As the date of our wedding approached, I shared with a friend that I planned to go on a shopping spree. There were some things that I wanted to get before I got married. This by itself was not wrong. If you want something and have the money to buy it without affecting your other goals, buy it. My problem was my motive.
I decided to go on this shopping spree because I didn’t believe that my then fiancé would agree with my purchases. I was going to do it before he got a say. Basically, I did not trust him. And by not discussing it with him and at least giving him an opportunity to voice his opinion, even if ultimately the decision before we were married was mine, I was sewing more seeds of distrust into our relationship. Two major red flags!!
Thankfully, my girlfriend challenged me on this and I began to examine my motives and my relationship. Why didn’t I trust him? Did I find him untrustworthy for valid reasons or did I have trust issues that I needed to deal with? In this situation, I realized that I did not consider my ex-fiancé trustworthy.
A lack of trust is a red flag in a relationship. Why don’t you trust this person? Is s/he untrustworthy for valid reasons or do you have trust issues that you need to deal with?
That led to a bigger question: Why was I marrying a man I did not trust? Needless to say, that relationship ended making way for my relationship and marriage with Reggie.
Now, I am involved with, and married to, a man I trust. We feel comfortable talking about anything—openly and honestly. That is our prayer for you—relationships where you feel comfortable, too.
If you enjoyed this post, check out the rest of my summer series on relationships.
Summer Series on Relationships:
- Part One – Preparing for a relationship by spending time alone with God.
- Part Two – Some tips from my late husband Reginald Sanders on how to spend time alone with God.
- Part Three – Who should take initiative in a relationship and when.
- Part Four – Protecting your significant other’s tender spots and vulnerabilities.
- Part Five – Getting your priorities in order.
- Part Six – Healing past pain.
- Part Seven – Overcoming trust issues.
- Part Eight – Overcoming fear.
- Part Nine – Valuing women.
- Part Ten – Honesty in a relationship.
- Part Eleven – The cause of your discomfort.
- Part Twelve – Your beliefs.
- Part Thirteen – Believe quickly.
- Part Fourteen – At the heart of good relationships is friendship.
- Part Fifteen – Real, genuine brothers and sisters-in-Christ.
- How do you feel about sharing certain things with your significant other?
- Acknowledge both positive and negative emotions and why you feel them.
- Think about possible next steps in working through any negative emotions.