This is a guest post by Kristin Kimble. She is a writer who blogs about dating, relationships and the single life from a transparent Christian perspective. She lives in Maryland. You can read her blog here.
“Mary Jane it up if you have to,” she said.
She was referring to the main character of the BET series Being Mary Jane played by Gabrielle Union. Union’s character, who I can relate to in more ways than one, places yellow sticky notes all over her house, particularly on her bedpost, with positive affirmations and quotes that she reads every morning before going to work. Each show starts out with intriguing quotes from various people that foreshadow the show’s theme.
It was my second session of counseling and I was truly enjoying the experience. The couch was amazing and my therapist was excellent. I felt comfortable and encouraged!
“You’re not that bad. What you’re dealing with is fixable,” she said.
The way I came in, I felt as though I was a doomed case! Ten to twelve sessions at the least! I was prepared to talk it out, and as Iyanla would say, “do the work!” Did I mention the couch was amazing!!! It was white and soft with beautiful pillows! But I digress…..If you can tell, I have a thing for comfortable furniture and pillows. They are actually VERY therapeutic!
As she asked me particular questions regarding my past relationships I was forced to face my true feelings. I’d been in three serious relationships, and recently ended a relationship with a guy who I’d been dating for two months. The common denominator was me!
I was dumped by seemingly great guys because I was emotionally unstable, unable to communicate my true feelings, bottling things inside, and exploding at the unbeknownst time! I was a mess and apparently, men were not willing to stick around to deal with my “emotional rollercoasters”. I was told by, not one, but three different men, that my attitude was unbearable and they “did not have the patience or capacity to deal with me”. One of the gentlemen’s exact words.
The ironic part was, at the beginning of each relationship, each guy proclaimed that I was “the one.” I was “the one” until my true flaws began to show.
My therapist said, “….you should feel flattered they felt that way about you.” Flattered!? I would feel more flattered if they actually stuck around! The truth was, I didn’t feel desirable or wanted. I started crying uncontrollably! What was happening!? This lady has me in here crying on the couch and it’s only session number two!
I was so open and vulnerable. It was what I needed. It’s absolutely nothing like being honest with yourself and feeling free. I was convincing myself and building a mask under false pretense and I couldn’t bear it anymore!
Even more truth, I was afraid to date again. I felt like damaged goods. Apparently, no one wants to deal with or have patience for someone with my issues, but she encouraged me to speak and think positive thoughts.
Her reference to Mary Jane was actually quite applicable. I had already started an affirmation board in my bedroom that I placed various quotes and scriptures upon, but the devil was definitely playing with my mind and emotions. I began to discredit, degrade, and doubt myself. All of who I knew I was was a figment of my imagination. I use to be strong, and confident, bold, and outgoing, but I found myself retreating to myself and making my home my hideout place.
As I left the session, I had a lot on my mind. I had to get back to me, and it was only going to come through constant positivity and affirmation of who I am and who God was forming me to be. With that said, on this journey of healing and growth you must:
1. Crave Positivity
To crave means to need something urgently or greatly. It has been studied that cravings start in the mind and are acted upon by choice. You must make up in your mind and choose to thirst and hunger for positivity. Allow God to quench it with his word, along with positive seeds from people in your life.
2. Speak Positivity
It has always been said that our words have power, and they do! Particularly the word of God! We must use the most powerful muscle in our body, our tongue, to speak forth affirmations and truths that will fix our minds on things greater than our current situation and higher than our current mindset.
3. Walk in Positivity
James 2:26 says it best:
For as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.
Once you fix it in your mind and speak it out of your mouth, you must walk it out in your faith through action. Get an affirmation board. Listen to positive messages in your car, at work, and on the bus. Go to counseling if needed. Seek out positive people. Seek to be positive at all times, and seek to find the positive perspective in all things. Share your testimony with others, then watch God be glorified and your healing come forth!
The next level in life that God is taking me to is completely out of my comfort zone and a bit scary, so I currently live in a no negativity zone. I even limit the amount of news that I watch! It’s just that serious! I don’t seek to be oblivious to real life or the current issues, but it can definitely take a toll on your mental, spiritual, and emotional stability. I can’t control the people around me but I can sure control who and what I allow in my space. So ask yourself: How bad do I want to be healed and set free? Speak life today! Speak Positive today! Your life depends on it today!
Using affirmations helped Kristin be more positive. If you also struggle with negative self-talk, I encourage you to try this for yourself. Like Kristin, you just may be helped by what you read.
- Has a failed relationship (or two) left you feeling worse about yourself? If so, how?
- How would facing your true feelings about it help you become more positive?
- What affirmations would help improve your self-talk?