The morning after Reggie died, I sat on the edge of my bed and braced for an ugly, personal conversation with God. I expected tears. I braced for painful laments. All I had were two words: “What now?”
I didn’t realize how much that little word carried. Now speaks to sequence and order. If you’re trying to figure out how to start over when life falls apart, you may know what I mean.
Before Reggie died, I knew what to do now and what to do next. Afterward, I didn’t. It felt like someone had dropped a bomb into the middle of my life and scattered my next steps everywhere. Some were buried in the rubble. Some were damaged beyond recognition. All of them were out of order.
I didn’t know where to start. I felt helpless and confused, and I hadn’t expected to feel that empty at that stage of my life.
While writing When Your World Ends, I returned to the creation story, where we first see God bringing order to a world without order. That’s where I found my first clue.
If you can’t see “what God is doing yet” , let’s start there.
What to Do When Your Routine Falls Apart
When life falls apart, your first instinct may be to fix everything at once.
You start asking questions faster than you can answer them. Where do I begin? What do I fix first? What am I supposed to do now? How do I make my life make sense again?
That’s especially true when the very routines that used to hold your life together simply stop working. The schedule is different. The relationship is different. The diagnosis comes. Caregiving completely changes your day. The plan you were so confident in no longer fits the life you’re actually living. That’s what happened to me.
Reggie and I built our prayer life in a certain order. First, Reggie got up and spent time alone with God. Then he woke me, and we prayed together before he left for work. After he left, I had my own time with the Lord. On Saturdays, we worshiped together as a couple. On Sundays, we worshiped with our church family.
That routine worked wonderfully—until he died.
The day after that first “What now?” prayer, his absence hit my prayer life like a battering ram and knocked me off course. Reggie didn’t wake me. He wasn’t there to pray with me during the week or worship with me on the weekend. The routine that held my mornings together fell apart, and without him, I struggled to meet God.
My morning prayers brought the pain crashing back the moment I woke up. Some widows describe a few peaceful seconds of forgetting before their painful reality returns, but not me. My reality hit me every morning, the moment I opened my eyes.
Your routine may look different. Maybe it was the Sunday dinner you cooked for the whole family, or the evening call you made to your mom. When the person or the purpose behind a routine is gone, the routine goes too. It can feel like your whole life went with it.
And worse, I couldn’t see what God was doing.
If you’re trying to figure out how to start over when life falls apart, the pressure to solve the whole future can be overwhelming.
What Does God Do When Life Falls Apart?
Last week, we looked at Genesis 1:1–2 and the condition of the earth before the ordered work of creation unfolded. It was unproductive, empty, and dark.
Then something changed.
"Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good."
~Genesis 1:3-4 (NKJV)
While studying these verses, I noticed that God began with just one command: “Let there be light.”
I call that command an edict.
An edict establishes what comes next. God speaks, what He says happens, and then He sees that it’s good. In When Your World Ends, I describe that progression as edict, execution, and experience.
That pattern repeats throughout Genesis 1 and is how God brings order out of chaos, one stage at a time. I call it God’s Creative Process.
That mattered to me because, when my own life felt scattered, I wanted God to show me everything. I wanted to know what would happen to me, what I should do with A Cord of Blue (our ministry), who I would become without Reggie, and how all the pieces of my life would fit together again.
Genesis gave me a different picture.
God brought order one move at a time.
That pattern helped me understand how God was rebuilding what had fallen apart in my life. And He may be doing that work in yours even when you can’t see it yet.
After I prayed, “What now?” I sensed God tell me, “You honored your husband in life; honor him in death.” Of course, He was right. I could do that. I knew how to do that.
So, I did.
That’s what trusting God when you don’t know what’s next looked like for me.
You don’t need the whole plan before you “begin.”.
Sometimes the first step in rebuilding is smaller. It’s learning to notice what God’s doing right now, even when you can’t yet see what comes next.
Where to Start When Your Life Falls Apart: Practice for This Week
If you’re wondering how to start rebuilding your life, begin with one small situation and walk it through all three stages of God’s creative framework.
Edict: Say one true sentence about where you are.
God began with a word. You can, too. Start by telling God what is true. Say one true sentence about where you are. Say it out loud to God, or write it down. Keep it simple and honest.
Maybe your sentence is, “I’m tired.”
“I don’t know what comes next.”
“This routine doesn’t fit my life anymore.”
“I need help.”
Make the sentence true. That’s enough.
Execution: Take one small action that fits what you said.
If you’re tired, maybe the next faithful move is rest.
If you need help, send one text.
If your old routine no longer works, try one small change instead of rebuilding the whole thing at once.
One move is enough for today.
Experience: Notice what was good.
At the end of the day, ask yourself: What helped? What gave me a little more clarity, peace, strength, or connection with God?
It may be a warm cup of coffee, a kind text, a moment of laughter, a verse that stayed with you, or the strength to get out of bed.
Notice it.
The goal is learning to recognize order as it returns.
That’s one small pass through all three stages. It may not feel like much. Remember, my healing was gradual and unfolded in stages. Yours may too. God rebuilt my life one small step at a time, and He’s patient with the pace of yours.
You can “live fully” without having the “full plan.
Sometimes learning how to move forward when you don’t know what to do looks like taking the next small step you can see. One true sentence. One small action. One good thing noticed.
Continue the Conversation
If you’re reading this with a friend or small group…
- Recognition: Which part of your daily order fell apart first: your mornings, your routines, your relationships, or something else?
- Release: Why do we want the whole plan before we take the first step? What does Genesis 1 show us about how God works that’s different from what you thought?
- Reframe: What changes if God brings order one stage at a time?
A Blessing for the Stages
May God meet you in the morning, even when the routine that held your days together is gone, and life no longer makes sense the way it once did.
May He give you grace to tell the truth about where you are, without rushing yourself toward an answer.
May He show you the one small step in front of you: one true sentence, one faithful action, one good thing to notice.
May He hear your “What now?” and every honest question that follows.
May you notice His light, even when it’s only enough for the next small step.
May He meet you in the part that still feels unfinished.
May He give you grace for the stage you are in, wisdom for the next small move, and peace when the whole plan is still out of view.
And may you find Him at work, bringing “order” to what feels “scattered”.
Find Your Room
If your life feels out of order, you don’t have to guess where you are in the rebuilding process.
God’s Creative Process has seven Rooms, each with a different invitation and next faithful step.
Take the 3-minute God’s Creative Process quiz to discover your Room and get language for where you are right now. It shows you which Room you’re in, so your next faithful step fits where you are.
