When God woke me up the morning following my husband’s death, He invited me into what felt like an impossible situation—living without Reggie. My flesh said, “It simply couldn’t be done.” I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it.
I wanted my husband, but my husband had died. And I was powerless to change that.
Following Reggie’s death, the impossible loomed so large in my life that for years, I couldn’t see the possible. To be honest, I was so hurt and angry over what I lost that I couldn’t see what was still possible. I couldn’t access the new because of my relationship to the old.
I felt like I had to lose the old, but that wasn’t true. Once I realized the truth, I began to see the possible again. And Reggie helped me do it…
Once I realized the truth, I began to see the possible again.
When Reggie approached me to share his interest in me, he said, “I would like us to get to know each other, become friends first, with a view towards marriage.” So, we became friends, fast friends.
Our friendship developed so rapidly that I wasn’t ready when Reggie broached the subject of getting our pastor’s blessing to transition from friendship to courtship. When Reggie brought up approaching Pastor, I hesitated. What if Pastor said “no”?
Sensing my hesitation, Reggie inquired about its source. So, I shared that if Pastor said “no”, we couldn’t move forward with courtship. In my mind, that meant I would lose Reggie.
Reggie thought differently, “You won’t lose me.” In Reggie’s mind, Pastor’s response wouldn’t change our friendship. We wouldn’t start a courtship, but we didn’t have a courtship yet. Even if we received Pastor’s blessing, but later decided not to continue forward, according to Reggie, I still wouldn’t lose him. I’d never lose him. He’d always be my friend.
In other words, Reggie and I would always be in a relationship. That would never change. How we relate may have to change, but having a relationship would never change.
As you have probably surmised, Pastor did give us his blessing. We proceeded with courtship, then engagement, culminating in our marriage.
Then, as I stated above, Reggie died.
I lost my husband.
That’s real. And the pain of that was real too.
That wasn’t completely unexpected though. Our vow was until death do us part. So, on some level, we both knew death wasn’t just a possibility. Death is an inevitability (Genesis 2:17).
What was unexpected was not his death. What was unexpected was the timing of it.
Our vow recognized what many of us don’t pay much attention to when we are committing to it. And that is that all marriages eventually end. We just vow that the end is death rather than divorce or separation.
But all relationships don’t end. As Christians, I believe (and Reggie did too) that we will be reunited in Heaven—not as spouses though. Christ was clear:
“In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage...” ~ Matthew 22:30
As Christians, we’re God’s children (John 1:12). As Christians, we’re family.
So, Reggie was right. I didn’t lose him. I lost my husband. That is true, but I didn’t lose Reggie. He is still my friend. More than that, he is still my family.
I didn’t lose everything. I didn’t even lose everything regarding Reggie. Like I said, Reggie is still family. I will see him again. I just have to be patient. Easier said than done, I know. Oh, how I know.
But I will see him again. And when I do, I’ll relate to him differently. I’ll relate to him as family, but not as my husband.
Seeing the possible is the first step to creating the possible in your life. Share on XThe quicker I began that process; the quicker I made progress.
So, whatever you are going through—whether you lost a job, a dream, a home, a marriage through death or divorce, or something equally as valuable.
Whatever impossible situation you are experiencing, you may not be able to change the situation. When you can’t change the situation, changing how you relate to the situation may help.
Once I changed how I related to Reggie, I began to see the possible again. Once you change how you relate to your situation, you may be able to see the possible again too. And seeing the possible is the first step to creating the possible in your life.
